Here’s a look at the WWE’s power rankings following the Sept. 7 edition of Raw.
10. Prime Time Players (Previous ranking: N/A): The Prime Time Players captured a victory in Raw’s main event alongside John Cena. They even got “Mr. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect” to join them in their “Millions of Dollars” dance after the match. PTP has reasserted itself back in the tag-team title picture alongside the Dudley Boyz and New Day.
9. Randy Orton (Previous ranking: N/A): Randy Orton faced Sheamus for the 13th televised match between them this year. No seriously:
Including tag team matches etc, this is the 13th time Randy Orton has faced Sheamus on TV in 2015. pic.twitter.com/dj7TgUC9C3
— Wrestling Facts (@WrestlingsFacts) September 8, 2015
Which actually feels like the 1,589,254th time, but I digress. Orton picked up the victory and was immediately attacked by the Wyatt Family afterward. Congratulations, Randy! You’ve won yourself an angle.
8. Wyatt Family (Previous ranking: 4): Speaking of the Wyatts, they also managed to spoil the victory of their old pals Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns by appearing on the Titanron after their match with the Ascension. But don’t worry about two-thirds of the Shield, for once the first time in three weeks they actually weren’t pummeled by “Paul Bunyan Wyatt.”
7. Ryback (Previous ranking: 9): Ryback defeated champion of everything Seth Rollins in one of the better matches of the night. He also seems to be setting up a rivalry with Kevin Owens (!!!) for the Intercontinental Championship. That’s right, Ryback is taking on all of your heroes, internet. Feed him more, I guess.
6. Dudley Boyz (Previous ranking: 6): The Dudley Boyz remain at No. 6 after capturing a win against Los Matadores (OLE!). They’re still the top challenger for the New Day’s titles in what is quickly becoming the best rivalry in WWE.
5. New Day (Previous ranking: 7): New Day was involved in a main event match on Raw. Despite losing, the trio got a crowd reaction on par with John Cena and was easily the most entertaining aspect of the 6-man tag match.
They were also involved with the greatest segment in the history of television:
Alright, maybe that’s an overstatement, but it was still excellent seeing the group trade comedic jabs with Edge & Christian and the Dudleys. The musical battle between Genius Xavier Woods’ trombone vs. Christian’s kazoo resulted with Big E—for whatever reason—grabbing the kazoo and attempting to eat it. Never change, New Day. Never change.
4. John Cena (Previous ranking: 5): John “No Days Off” Cena worked through an injury suffered this past Friday to not only continue WWE’s weekend house show tour and captured the victory in Raw’s main event. Thus far, he’s looked the strongest in his rivalry with Seth Rollins for the United States Championship.
3. Kevin Owens (Previous ranking: 3): So Kevin Owens (!!!) is likely set to face Ryback for the Intercontinental Championship at Night of Champions. He also tweeted this:
10 years ago, he gave me the best advice of my career and I know I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't listened… pic.twitter.com/6ldj8z8nHB
— Kevin Owens (@FightOwensFight) September 8, 2015
And somehow the internet remains in tact.
2. Seth Rollins (Previous ranking: 2): Cowardly heel Seth Rollins faced a similar result as last week by being outdone by his Night of Champions opponent Sting. The only difference was that Rollins competed in two matches to prepare for his double duty at the upcoming pay-per-view.
1. Sting (Previous ranking: 1): Sting made several appearances during Raw, all of which were to torment Rollins. He was first shown in darkness with Rollins’ trophy. My immediate thought was “He’s at the river and Seth Rollins is going for a swim.” Sting later antagonized Rollins after his loss to Ryback by popping on and off screen with his trophy in the background. We finally learned of his whereabouts after Raw’s final match. Sting was backstage the whole time and pushed Rollins’ statue into a garbage truck. Could we really see 56-year-old Sting as WWE’s champion?