Outside the Ring
Kevin Nash Steals The Longest Yard
“The Longest Yard” was a 2005 American sports comedy remake based on the film of the same name from 1974. Both films starred Burt Reynolds, but the mustachioed King of the 1970’s Cinema landscape took a back seat to Adam Sandler in the later version. Also featured in the 2005 film was a host of Professional athletes, the likes of Terry Crews, Michael Irvin, Brian Bosworth, Bill Romanowski, Bob Sapp, and WWE Alumni Bill Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Dalip “The Great Khali” Singh Rana. This is notable, based on the fact that each one of those guys stole their scenes from well-trained, seasoned actors. The prize for best, most unexpected performance goes to Kevin Nash as Sgt. Engleheart.
As the good Sergeant, Big Daddy Cool was tasked with playing an overbearingly macho prison guard, who gets taken down a peg when the cons switch his steroids with estrogen pills. From that moment on, things only get better. Big Sexy is hilarious in the film as he deals with the effect the pills are taking on him, making him hormonal and wildly emotional. The cut to The Master of the Jackknife Power Bomb in the middle of the cheerleader huddle, tassels on his legs and pom-poms in his hands is one of the biggest laughs I’ve ever had while watching a film.
I don’t want to leave out the other guys, though. Goldberg and Austin fit their roles in the film to a T. Stone Cold played a racist prison guard, whose biggest moments come as an antagonist to the character that famous rapper Nelly played. Goldberg plays a con with a legendarily large wang, who just looks ferocious and tackles some people. Not much different than his wrestling days. Khali was also the only person who could have played his role with such effectiveness. There are very few men in the world that can match that monster in size.
The film co-stars men like Chris Rock, James Cromwell, Tracy Morgan, William Fichtner, David Patrick Kelly, and Nicholas Turturro. If this film sees a long life in the years to come, it will be because of all of the men mentioned in this article, and more. For me, however, the flick belongs to Kevin Nash, the toughest guy to ever be great at playing an overly emotional, insanely hormonal woman in a gigantic man’s body.